If history has taught me anything, it’s that you never count Chuck Norris out, and, most importantly, in any quest for power, one needs allies. Machiavelli knew it; he discussed it in detail in The Prince. During World War II, the Germans knew it; they created the Alliierte (Axis Powers) with Japan and Italy. And the Elves, Hobbits, and Humans knew it when they combined forces to win Middle Earth from Dark Lord Sauron. Now, I, Dwight Schrute know it.

To take Jim Halpert down, I will create strong alliances with my co-workers. I don’t care for anyone in the office, but that’s not important (I never really believed the Elves had any affinity for the Humans or the Hobbits). My plan is to sway the nitwits I work with over to my side with my generosity. But what sort of gift would gain their loyalty? Initially I thought about offering them some homemade soap or deerskin coasters, but after noting their girth, it occurred to me that the way to this office’s heart is through its stomach. It’s a perfect plan! I offer the dogs I work with some chow, they in turn give me their loyalty — together we rise up against the House of Halpert!