I have attacked my enemy before, but this plot is different; I want to betray him. When conspiring against one’s opponent, it behooves one to lull him into a false sense of security. Make him trust you. Encourage him to confide in you. Do all that you can to make him feel at ease in your presence. Brutus joined Caesar’s inner circle, even marrying Caesar’s cousin, before literally backstabbing him on the Ides of March. And on Battlestar Galactica, Boomer, the enchanting cylon sleeper agent, was programmed to join the Human Resistance only to sabotage it from within on behalf of the colonies on New Caprica. Earning my rightful position as branch co-manager will require similar conspiring.

This is why I am attending my adversary’s wedding. I’ll be there, forcing a smile while he says dumb things about his dumb wife. I’ll shake his hand. Raise my glass. At his rehearsal dinner, I will generously provide the dessert, homemade gelatin. I’ll do the chicken dance with his friends and family (after all I deserve to have some fun too). All the while he’ll think, “Gee, not only is Dwight my intellectual superior, he’s also someone that’s earned my reliance.” It will make me one move closer to earning his complete and uncompromised trust… Then, in time, when his back it turned and he least expects it – BAM! SCHRUTE FORCE ATTACKS! I watch him crumble as I take his position and listen to him as he cries, “Et tu, Schrut-e?!”